Imagine something like this on your lap that's 3 1/2 inches long...
and this is EXACTLY what was on my lap the other day!!
As the days roll on here, I'm starting to feel less and less in touch with reality, as my personal life unravels into something that in across between a dream, a nightmare, and multiple episodes of theTwilight Zone that are compactly morphed into one nonsensical movie.
It was Wednesday (just the other day) and I was quietly typing at my computer, responding to emails...when something black caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I look down at my very light-colored blue jeans to see the shocking contrast of...a black Oriental Cockroach on my lap that was just under 4 inches long. (No, it didn't look exactly like the one in the picture above but pretty close, as the one that had glued it's little legs to my pants was all black.
I jumped up, screamed at the top of my lungs and kept yelling "Help me!" as if I was being stabbed to death. Rose came running in as this little sh** ran down my leg and had to be swatted off with my desk calculator.
And off it went, running for cover from my piercing screams to instantly disappear under my desk where I couldn't find him anymore (not that I was actively looking for him).
I was shaking so badly that I thought, for an instant, that I was going to break down and burst into tears while falling to the ground into a fetal position. Then I thought about it. There's probably more where he came from on the floor and I don't think I could have exited my building fast enough after that.
You're probably wondering where it came from and, I soon (quickly) found out from Rose that apparently we've not only been having a problem with these little critters for a few weeks now (without anyone telling me, strangely) but they're all coming from the Asian guy's warehouse that's next to mine. He imports thousands of things every month from China, getting box after box, pallet after pallet and these...THINGS are apparently part of the cargo.
Rose gave me some Raid. And I'm standing there holding the can thinking..."Hmmm, they can sit in a hot shipping container on a ship for a week or longer at 200+ degree temperatures with no food and water so...what the f*** is THIS supposed to do?"
I can't express how grossed out and disgusted I was because I kept thinking about how long he was on my lap before he was discovered. Ten minutes? An hour? LONGER?? Did he just climb up my leg, unnoticed? Did he fly on my lap? What if he climbed UP my pant leg?
All the potential answers just left me wanting to gag, running for the bushes for a stomach-heaving throw-up fest.
The moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for.
Yes, that's right.
You see, I've already started negotiations on my new space only hours before this...incident. I was thinking about ways I can leave my current space earlier without breaking my lease, which ends on December 31st. I thought about sub-leasing and other ways, subconsciously (probably) asking the universe for other solutions.
And one dropped in my lap. LITERALLY.
How? Because I can break my lease due to a neglected bug infestation brought on by neighbor and, as I mentioned, it's really doubtful that this is something that Orkin Pest Control will be able to re-mediate.
Do I hear a lease breaking in my near future? I don't know about you but I certainly do!
I blew up at the management company about it today and told my property manager that if she didn't believe me about the problem then I'd be MORE than happy to mail the next dead one I have Rose acquire for me in a bubble envelope right to her office. Or maybe I'll just trap a live one and mail it to her. After all, if it can survive being shipped in a metal can across the ocean in extreme heat conditions, it can survive an overnight trip to the Valley in a bubble envelope.
Moral of the story: If you ask, you shall receive so...BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR!!
See you at the top!