I'm really sad. My friend Ruth passed away yesterday afternoon. While I planned on doing a piece on Veteran's Day, I find myself thinking about this spectacular woman who was probably one of the nicest people I've met in recent years. And I can't bring myself to think of anything else at the moment except this beautiful soul who physically is no longer among us anymore. She didn't make it to 45 and, probably the worst part, left behind a boy of only 7 (and my daughter's classmate) and a young girl of only 5.
What's All This About Anyway?
I think it's in these moments where we question what all of this is really about, realize our own mortality, and feel a deep sense of insecurity in our own ability to sustain our well-being despite our best attempts at it.
I think it's during times like these when we come to know that it can end for us at any time with or without notice and to grasp onto life itself is just as futile as trying to grab a handful of water. Impossible to pull off. Ridiculous to try.
I know she's in a better place. It's weird to "know" something without much proof or substantiating evidence. But she couldn't breathe anymore. She was drowning in her own lungs. Living like that had to be utterly miserable. At least now she's not in pain anymore.
My Experience with Heaven
I first started getting messages from the other side sometime in 2000, I think. My grandmother had passed away and I started seeing her in dreams. But that's all I thought it was: dreams. Nothing more.
When my mom passed in 2005, I had much of the same experience with her...seeing her in dreams.
It started with this one particular dream. You see, I couldn't make her funeral because the plane I was to fly out on broke down. Flight was canceled. And I found myself smiling instead of being upset.
Mom hated to fly. I believe she made that happen.
But I felt guilty for missing her funeral that afternoon and she knew how I felt. That night I dreamt I was giving my mom a eulogy at a podium in some outside venue with only a handful of people. She was holding a white candle in the dream, standing in the back, smiling at me. She looked like when she was in her 40s when she was slim with very blonde hair. She said nothing to me as I gave her my own private eulogy.
Again, I passed it off as a dream...until she started telling me things about how things are "over there." She explained to me about how spirits can make electricity pulsate, usually through lamps or other electrical things. She said that this is called "employing a device."
She explained to me about how we incarnate with the same small group of people from lifetime to the next. These people, instead of being called family, are actually called your "pod."
And on and on it went.
So either I have a very active dreaming imagination or...things are very interesting on the other side.
Of course, that's exactly what I thought it was: my imagination. Then other messages started coming through where she'd give me private details about certain people's lives of friends and family she knew. I'd go to these individuals and they'd not only corroborate what my mom told me but they'd usually follow it up by saying, "Nobody else knew that. How did you know?"
I guess this was her way of "proving" the reality of the fact that I wasn't merely dreaming but I was really seeing her.
What Heaven is Like
I've since been to the "other side" many times to the point where my experiences have been limited due to having too many episodes of severe depression upon returning.
It's...amazing there. I'd go into details but time is short for now. But the quick explanation is that it's much like it is here except that it's more pure. If you can imagine how things were only a couple hundred years ago before paved roads, airplanes, and massive pollution when much of the land was still majorly underdeveloped...that's what it looks like there. Like open countrysides everywhere and no human interference with nature.
Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.
But what I absolutely love about it is how every soul is happy, compassionate, glad to see you, wants to include you...it's like showing up to a happy party where everyone knows your name.
This is why my experiences of going there has been limited...because I come back to my lonely world here and have much more difficult in coping than before. Because I can't understand why people are the way they are...here. And they become the highest possible form of their selves...but ONLY when they go back.
Why do we all have to wait? Why can't we be that "highest self" part of our souls RIGHT NOW?? Compassionate, empathetic, kind, inclusive, loving...all of it. Why are we waiting? What are we afraid of?
Where Ruth is Now
She's transitioning now but her party is about to begin. And for that, I'm happy for her. She knows everything will be okay. She knows now that the trials and tribulations her children and husband are going through -- and will continue to go through for the next several years (and decades) -- is all part of the plan...and in divine order.
She's not worried, fretting, or upset about how unfair her early departure is. She knows it is all in perfect order and will all work out as it's supposed to.
She's blissfully happy now.
So, perhaps the problem is mine...my deep sense of sadness. Because she's certainly not unhappy. She's blissfully happy.
The grieving, sadness, and heartbreak is all mine based on, perhaps, me being glad that she could move on but, at the same time, knowing I'm still stuck here to fight the good fight. As her good fight is over...and now she's free.
And the rest of us are left behind to keep fighting. We all know how old that gets, how tired it all becomes. I believe that's why we grieve. We have one less person who is here standing in our corner and the burden of living without them just becomes a bit heavier to bear than before. So, we're mostly sad for ourselves and I think that makes it all the worse.
Please send out a little prayer for the passing of my friend Ruth, if you'd like. That would be phenomenal.
Then say a little prayer in gratitude for yourself...because we're all still here to fight the good fight for yet another day. But make no mistake...your time is ticking, too. Maybe now would be a good time to think about whether you're living life to the fullest and doing the things you really want to do. I know that's what I'm thinking about. After all, every minute counts. Every last one of them!
See you at the top!
P.S. Sorry, Veteran's, for my inability to honor you today on this most important day. Many of you know that, not only do I always thank military when I see them but I also encourage my daughter to do the same. The look on their faces when I send my little girl up to them to say, "Thank you for your service," always brightens their day more than words can describe and many are so humble that they try to downplay the importance of their role. From me, to all the veterans, thank you for your invaluable service and dedication to our country. And for any of you who don't support our troops, remember...If you don't want to stand behind them, maybe you'd prefer standing in front of them instead. (Food for thought.)