It's amazing what you discover as you trek along in this journey we call a "lifetime on earth." While most of this journey can seem frustrating, once you get the hang of a couple of "secret techniques" to alter your future, you can understand how to maneuver a better life experience for yourself.
One of the most powerful strategies I've learned...then learned again recently is the power of letting go.
Many of you know that I went through a painful divorce recently. It was not a marriage I wanted to let go of at all. In fact, it's the only divorce that I didn't want. But I felt that I had to get out of the situation before it consumed me emotionally. So, off to divorce court I went.
And it was the fastest divorce I ever had. Six months went by like a long weekend at the beach.
Then it was over. Just like that. And I thought that I'd feel better.
Except I didn't. I felt the same sense of sadness that I had felt all along.
(Hey, I know I'm an expert when it comes to making money but I'm still working on mastering this relationship thing. We all have sh** we need to learn...otherwise, why are we still here?)
Then I realized something. And this something didn't make me happy either.
You see, I realized that I was the problem all along. I was creating obstacles that weren't there. I was seeing things the way I wanted to see them. And it was easy for me to point the finger at everyone else analyzing what was wrong with their decisions (or lack thereof) but I never stopped to look at myself and how I was the problem.
Now, let me outline something magical that happened the moment I was able to just throw in the towel and let it all go.
Yes, that's right. I literally threw in the towel. I gave up on the marriage. I gave up on the business we had together. I walked away from all of it. In my mind, it was time to move on.
The moment I truly let it all go was the moment that everything started working out. The obstacles and walls I created in the situation suddenly dissolved. Instead of me being a part of swimming in a muddy pond where I couldn't see what was going on as I was helplessly thrashing about, I suddenly became someone that was looking over the situation as if I was in a tree overhead with no emotional attachment or confusion about the situation. I saw everything completely clearly for the first time in almost 4 years.
And when you can see a situation as if you're just someone observing, two critical things happen:
1) You find immediate solutions that you failed to see before.
2) Since you're not emotionally intertwined in the situation, your obstacles begin to melt away immediately.
When you get "on top" of a situation rather than being distraughtly intertwined in the problem/issue, everything changes. And it changes instantly.
Unfortunately, moving from the perspective of being "in" the problem vs. "on top" of the problem is purely a mental shift that sometimes takes years to occur.
But it doesn't have to.
I did one single thing to make this shift that I could have done in a day instead of waiting for it to "happen" over the course of almost 4 years.
What was that "single thing"?
No, it wasn't just letting go...although that was part of it.
The single thing was taking a step back. That's right. I took a huge step back. (Of course, you have to let go of the emotional attachment of the situation by not caring what happens anymore in order to effectively step back.)
Taking a step back requires you to take a mental and emotional "vacation." This can mean going up into the mountains or taking a trip to the beach, even for a day. Commit to notthinking about the "problem/issue" you have at hand and focus only on yourself, how you'd like your life to be like, and how you'd like to feel. Or just try to think about nothing. That's even better.
Once you return back to your life, you will probably see the situation from a different perspective. Especially if you decided to walk away from it...and throw in the towel. This disconnects you from the emotional involvement and opens your world up to new possibilities.
So, back to me being the problem: I was the entire problem. I was holding onto emotions that only became a part of my reality because I told myself they had to be part of my reality. It didn't help that other people told me that I should be feeling a certain way about my situation which, coincidentally, I was fine with until people flooded me with their useless opinions.
Disappointment, stress, anger, anxiety and depression come from one thing and one thing only: your reality doesn't match what you think your reality should be. However, if you believed that your reality matches what you think your reality should be, that means you're happy and content.
My problem was that my reality wasn't matching what I though my reality should be (i.e. my husband should live in the same household as me vs. living in another state) when, at an earlier time, I was completely fine with it. I allowed a number of people to convince me that my marriage was "wrong" and "abnormal" which shifted my thoughts about it, thus making me unhappy based on my reality not matching my altered view of what I thought my reality should be.
It took me filing for divorce, going through the painful process, and having the divorce finalized for me to understand that I was the problem.
And then I was reminded of the power of letting go. Once I threw in the towel on everything, I was instantly put "on top" of the situation (without any emotional attachment) and not only have a renewed energy toward everything but I also was flooded with new solutions to me dilemma.
But most powerful of all, blocks that were there that I had no control over suddenly melted away. Things I could not get to work, things I could not get people to agree to, and different solutions I tried putting in place without success suddenly worked like gangbusters! Like magic!!
When you push too hard in any direction, especially to the point of excessive frustration and tears, you will have a hell of a time making anything work and you won't keep your sanity either. It also means that something is wrong or that the timing is off.
And it means you need to take a step back, relax, and let it go.
When you do, magic will happen in ways that you'll never imagine. Not only will you have this sense of peace beyond anything you've ever experienced but all the obstacles that were there will suddenly melt away or you'll be shown the true path you were supposed to be on all along.
And that's the secret I wanted to share.
See you at the top!