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Friday, October 18 2013

It's Friday morning and I'm catching up on work...on my vacation.  Weird, I know.
 
But I'm a weird duck anyway.
 
I didn't want to go on this ship trip (a.k.a. "cruise") to begin with and there's a sense of comfort in doing what I do all the time (and what I'm best at): work!
 
So here I am trekking back to Miami in the Caribbean on a ship and I'm working on my laptop.  There are only so many Mai Tais anyone can (or should) consume and so many rays of sun the skin should take (without becoming a cancer risk) when one is ready to get back into the swing of things.
 
As I sit here, I started thinking about the direction I see the economy going and where I see myself leading my students in 2014 and beyond.
 
During a couple of my beach escapades in the past few days, I kept thinking about this one student of mine who emailed me last week.  I won't tell you her name because I can't.  That's right.  I can't.  (She has to remain in "hiding.")
 
You see, this student went to one of my seminar events years ago.  It was an apartment building event.  And she had physical signs of "survival," if you will.  Her story is actually quite brutal.  She was physically abused by her husband to the point where he almost murdered her one day.  She survived but her physical disabilities from the incident were very clear.
 
And sad.
 
But this student is a survivor in ways we'd never imagine.  She had to overcome so many trials and tribulations that make our "problems" seem like a cake walk through Disneyland on a breezy warm day.
 
Unfortunately (and I didn't have the nerve to tell her in the email I sent back to her) but she still has that "victim mentality" where she likes using her survival story as a means of getting sympathy from other people.  And that's the part that rubs me the wrong way.
 
I can tell you that I've also gone through an extremely abusive marriage when I was in my early 20s.  I was hit so hard just above my left eye that I still get stabbing pains in that eye periodically (and usually out of the blue).  I was even told by a doctor that there is a likelihood I'll slowly lose eyesight in that eye to the point of blindness as I get older.
 
And I can also tell you that I went through 2 crippling battles with the government...both I had lost my ass with.  And both had altered my lives in ways you'll never imagine nor would I wish on my worst enemy; all because of some business errors, misunderstandings of the law, and a business that went financially belly-side up that pushed the full blame  of culpability on my shoulders.  (If you don't know the law you're liable, even if you don't know the law.  Note, if you are ever thumbing through a "business opportunity" magazine one day and see a business that could be awesome, it may actually be illegal.  This is actually what happened to me.  I started a business that I thought was legal and it turned out that it was "partially legal."  Go figure!)
 
And right now, I have a spouse that lives in another state.  I'm basically a single parent to a 5-year-old because her dad is the worst type of deadbeat you could ever imagine.  I have been paying the guy both child and spousal support for years and yet he sees his daughter for a few hours on the weekends.
 
Listen, I'm not telling you all this because I want to make you sad.  In fact, I've never told my students this stuff before.
 
I'm telling you this to make a point because the difference between someone who has a "victim mentality" and someone who doesn't is...
 
The someone who doesn't believe they are a victim keeps moving forward and doesn't use "the victim story" to prompt a response from people.
 
And I'll call that non-victim a "warrior."
 
That's the category I put myself in.  A warrior moves forward without lingering on the "feel-sorry-for-me" bullsh** and concentrates on "what can I do now to move forward and make a better life for me and my family?"
 
Back to my student...or "former student" as she referred to herself as in the email to me...
 
Here we are several years after this seminar event she attended and it's apparent that she didn't do much with what was taught there.
 
Yes, it's very easy to use any physical disability as an excuse but that can only get you so far before it just becomes an annoying excuse.
 
Did you know that I've made millions off both eBay and the Internet while never seeing a person or talking to anyone on the phone?
 
Did you know that the majority of the time when dealing with real estate, I actually don't handle any of the elements of the deal at all from visiting a property to even talking to a seller or real estate agent on the phone?  (Other people do this for me.)
 
Shucks!  I guess I can't use any type of physical excuse to not succeed now, can I?
 
Yes, being a woman in real estate has always been extremely challenging which is probably why I'm a bitch, I tend to be pushy and angry when dealing with people, and I'm a "straight-shooter," as I'm routinely called.
 
But I've always known one thing and it's the same thing I hope you understand:
 
I've always known I have a choice.  And you have a choice too.
 
Sit on your ass, make excuses, and rally a bunch of people to feel sorry for you with an elaborate pity story?
 
Or say f*** the past, focus on what you really want for yourself, and go get it without further ado?!
 
I've chosen the latter, obviously.
 
Stop making the "happenings" in your life be the defining elements of you and who you are.
 
Last weekend I was shopping with my daughter.  I was crossing this section of the parking lot to get to the store where I had to grab my daughter's shirt and pull her back because this stupid hag of a woman was clearly not going to stop for pedestrians, as she's legally required to do so.  It wasn't like I was just walking right in front of her car.  We were well on our way on our path and she was at least 100 feet away before she whizzed around a bend and seemingly intentionally wanted to blow past us because, after all, she can't lose 3 seconds out of her "busy Saturday schedule."
 
Even more weird, she was a mom.  She had a toddler strapped in the back seat.  So...apparently she just doesn't care about other people and their kids.
 
I gave her the middle finger, yelled exactly what it meant (in case she didn't know) including a few other choice words with it, and watched her miserable face as she absorbed every bit of what I said.  And it would have completely made my day if she would have stopped because I swear she would have gotten a physical parking lot beat down right in front of a department store.  (Otherwise known as the PLBD or "parking lot beat down.")
 
Yes, I was steaming for the first 15 minutes as I was struggling to concentrate on shopping, whizzing around in the store in a circle, looking at nothing and being as pissed off as you can possible imagine while my daughter looked at me confused as to why we were on our 4th run around the entire store without stopping to look at a rack or picking up a single item.  It irritated me beyond belief how freaking inconsiderate, rude, selfish, and ignorant people are.  Then I let it go and quickly moved on after my 15 minutes of excessive anger.
 
The point?
 
A "victim" would make this a part of who they are.  They would make something somebody else did to them as a part of who they are.
 
"Oh, poor me!  This stupid bitch in this cheap ugly silver 3-series BMW almost ran me and my daughter down in a parking lot so...I must be stupid, useless, dumb, and a failure in life otherwise...why would somebody do something like that to a good person like me?  I guess I'll always be a loser so why bother trying?  In fact, while I'm at it, I'm going to repeat this stupid-bitch-in-a-cheap-BMW story over and over again to as many people as possible so that I can get a whole bunch of people on my side about how awful my life is turning out."
 
Do you see how stupid that type of victim mentality is?
 
Yet this is what those with a "victim mentality" do...just on a larger scale.
 
A warrior would say something different such as...
 
"It's apparent that the extremely overweight bitch in her cheap BMW not only has very low self-esteem -- thus not valuing the lives of others let alone her own useless self -- but she was probably in a super hurry to get across the street to get to the food court at the mall to stuff that fat pie hole of hers.  After all, it does take quite a few thousand calories every few hours for her to maintain that hefty figure of hers and she was probably going through food withdraws since the 4,500-calorie lumberjack breakfast she ate was only an hour before.  Her stomach must've been rumbling up a storm, scaring her toddler in the backseat to distraction."
 
(Okay, I know this must offend some people but I really don't care.  I used to be overweight and I learned something called self-control and discipline which means I eat fewer French fries and I work out 45 minutes a day.  Furthermore, everyone -- politically correct or not -- has their own "things" they say in their minds during their most irate and angry moments that they wish they could express just as a form of release.  This is actually a very normal emotional and psychological response when put in situations that piss you off.  And if you don't admit it or state that you never have a negative angry thought in your mind ever, you're either a liar or you're simply not human.  You get to choose which that would be.)
 
As you can see, the "happening" in your life -- no matter what that is -- doesn't become "part" of a warrior.  It just becomes an "unfortunate event" that isn't taken personally.  Why?  Because sh** happens to everyone.  Period.  No one is "immune" to piles of sh** occurring either daily, weekly or monthly.  How you process it though determines what kind of person you are.
 
The warrior might be pissed off for a moment but then eventually they move on with their path and productive lives.  They don't let the "victim thing" define who they are nor do they use it as a feel-sorry-for-me pitch for anyone who cares to subject themselves to the verbal torment.
 
There isn't a damn thing I can ever do for you as a mentor or teacher in your life if you first can't get past any possible "victim mentality" hang-up that you may have.  You can either choose to blow off the things that "happened" to you or you can choose to hang onto it as if it's part of your identity.
 
I'm recommending you blow it off and move forward.  The faster you can make that happen, the better.
 
Here's a direct request:
 
Don't get involved in any course, mentorship, or seminar I have unless you are a warrior.  Period.
 
I have no use for "victims" or those looking for a crutch.  I can't be either one for you.  All I can do is deliver the information and it's always going to be up to you to engage by putting the teachings into action.
 
Yes, the stuff I teach works and it works very well.  Yes, it can make you wealthy in the shortest amounts of time possible.
 
What I can't do (as much as I'd like to) is slap you in the back of the head and say, "Stop it!  Stop acting like a freaking victim and grow some balls already!"
 
I'm going to say this one last time in case I wasn't clear enough.
 
I'm really serious about "cleaning out" my student database as we roll into 2014 since I only want to work with people who really want the highly profitable information I teach by demonstrating that they're willing to put it into action. 
 
While I was conducting my last seminar, I had a student come up to me and say, "I've bought all your stuff but I haven't used anything yet..."
 
Gee, thanks!  (That's the wrong way to open up a conversation with me, by the way!)
 
I'm not like other gurus out there who don't care if you buy their $300 book and use it as toilet paper because I actually do care if those are your intentions.
 
I actually want you to use my stuff and become successful using my stuff.
 
You should know by now if you're a person who "does" vs. someone who "doesn't."  And a person who "doesn't" can't be helped no matter how many courses or books he or she buys.
 
Again, it all comes down to choice.  You always get to choose what to do with your life.  And you can always start choosing something else in a split second.
 
What will you choose?
 
See you at the top!
 
Your mentor,
 
Monica Main
www.MonicaMain.com
 

Posted by: Monica Main AT 01:28 pm   |  Permalink   |  Email
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